As a child I lived with two abusive parents. My mother was more abusive physically and my “father” was sexually. When they finally divorced it was my “father” who divorced her and she was devastated. She wanted him more than anything else, even her own children.
A parent who puts the abuser before her own children is not a survivor. She is just as addictive to the abuse as the abuser.
Many who claim to be a survivor of domestic violence are not. The truth is they use that as an excuse to stay sick, unfit and even to play the victim role. Someone who is seen as a victim it is hard to see as a abuser, also. And people begin to feel sorry for them.
In order to live with theirself, they claim they didn’t know he was abusing their children in that way (sexually). When the truth is they knew and didn’t want to stop it cause they didn’t want to lose their husband.
Does living with an abuser give you the right to abuse your children or allow them to be abused? No!
The only true victim is the child(ren).